Friday, May 7, 2010

The Particle Cannons of Kilimanjaro

I meant to keep up on this blog. I really did. I was going to write such blog posts. Moments of great profundity. But at the moment I am laid up with severe pain in an uncomfortable place.

I have decided to play a game. To play this game you need one (1) copy of a Transformers comic book from the eighties and one (1) copy of The Snows of Kilimanjaro by Ernest Hemingway. Stir and allow to rise.

"Now taste high-frequency sonics, creep!" he said.

"I wish you wouldn't," she said.

"Fools! You are nothing to me--less than nothing!" He looked over to where the huge, filthy birds sat, their naked heads sunk in the hunched feathers. A fourth planed down, to run quick-legged and then waddle slowly toward the others.

"I don't quarrel. I never want to quarrel. Let's not quarrel any more. No matter how nervous we get."

"For... this... infamy... I will tear you apart with my bare hands!"

"Oh for Christ sake stop bragging, will you?"

He looked at her and saw her crying.

"Listen," he said. "Do you think that it is fun to do this? Fool! Have you learnt so little from our previous battles? I am power incarnate! I cannot be stopped... and I cannot be destroyed!"

"Stop it. Harry, why do you have to turn into a devil now?"

"I have only to wait for the volcano's imminent eruption. At that moment my power siphon will seize the raw, naked energy released... and convert it into limitless power for me to absorb! Nothing can stop me attaining my godhood now!" He turned his head and grinned and pointed and there, ahead, all he could see, as wide as all the world, great high and unbelievably white, was the square top of Kilimanjaro.

"You don't have to destroy me. Do you? I'm only a middle-aged woman who loves you and wants to do what you want to do. I've been destroyed two or three times already. You wouldn't want to destroy me again, would you?"

"Why do you persist in this futile struggle?"

"Why, I loved you. That's not fair. I love you now. I'll always love you. Don't you love me?"

"Such a noble speech... such a waste of time. Deceptions, fire!"